Oh hey.

I haven't posted in approximately eleven months and I don't know if I should be showing up the prodigal nerdygirl, but if there is one thing I've learned in my year abroad it's to go with my instincts. This is a cliché, but that doesn't mean it's not true. So I guess I'm on here to apologize because I know you guys haven't the best year and I should have been there for you more, even if that was just checking up on this isore, seeing if a fellow nerdy girl needed rescued.
So I'll check during this next week to see if I get any responses from anyone. If not I guess I'll just have to be a good friend the old fashioned way!
~Fleeting Duck

My Story

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was trapped between living and simply existing. She put walls up all around her. No one could ever break her heart because no one could ever find it. When her prince came for her, she hid and he never came back. The end.

New Years Resolution: This is not going to be MY story anymore.

update on me

• i don't need a man to make me feel better about myself.
• i just really want one :)
• i think that somewhere along the way, i became a really fake person. this scares me. i'm not a fake at heart, so how did this happen?
• i'm a nostalgic nancy.
• i cut my bangs too short. i need to stop cutting my own bangs.
• thinking about getting emo hair when the bangs grow back in.
• got a tumblr. kind of obsessed. not going to lie.
• i should exercise. but i don't. i've never been this down about my physical appearance before. sometimes i really hate who i'm becoming.
  
• the blog needs a new look and sound. this has been here since like august.
• i'm still in love. still. as in four years next monday-ish. why can't i move on and mean it? blue eyed wonder has a girlfriend, now, by the way. i didn't like her before she was his girlfriend. now i just kind of hate her.
• i'm thinking of what good titles for the book of my life would be. "Smile: An Almost Love Story" is right up there with "The Infinite Sadness of a Nostalgic Nancy".
  
• i just "in my pants"-ed those titles. dammit. i have to keep looking.
• taking a solo to solo and ensemble. freaking out. avoiding it at all costs.
• i reallllllly want to be section leader next year.

Love As Always,

b

this is the first post in a long time that doesn't mention how sad our corner of the internet is. or it was anyway.

Dear Guide to Nerdiocity Crew,

What happened to us guys? We used to be so cute with our little blog and mall trips. Now the blog is dead and we haven't all hung out together since... uhhh... well.. I don't even remember. Not blaming anyway or anything I just think its funny how much stuff has happened in the past couple of years and how much has changed. I'm glad we're still all friends, especially since now a days it seems like most friendships last like a day. So basically I love you guys but we need to hang out together, unless I annoy you... which is probably the case haha
Love,
Liv

hehehehehehehe....

Sweet.

"Dear Becca,
I'd like to personally thank you for switching to low brass. You are one of the SWEETEST people I know and I think you make a vital part of the low brass family. I hope you had as much fun as I did this year and I hope next year will be even better.
Love Shane"

"Becca, you're such a SWEETHEART. You're gulible and you give into peer pressure too easily, but you're a SWEET person." -Alli

"... And Becca, I think that you're just... such a SWEETIE." - Gretchen

Do you know what "SWEET" means? It means that you can't think of a better adjective because you really don't know the person all that well. "SWEET" is a cop-out.

What does that say about me if the only thing people can say about me is that I'm "SWEET"? I mean how many adjectives are there in the english language? And that one word is just stuck to me like glue.

Well. That's my whine of the day. Thanks for tuning in.
Love, B

*Head Explodes*

So since I have no friends and the only person I talk to is my little sister I think I'll rant to the blog. 1 word to sum up how I feel right now? UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! First off aren't Christians supposed to be nice? Isn't community supposed to be important? Because it sure doesn't seem like it, my first week at bishop ready has been absolutely terrible because no one bothered to talk to me except 1 girl, I got a couple "hey new girls" but that's about it, walking in the hallway by yourself while everyone else has friends they've been with since they were born sucks. It made me miss Bradley more, people actually talked to me at Bradley. So on top of hating my teachers I was also on the verge of tears today missing Bradley. The French teacher's a, pardon my french, Bitch. The rules at the school are ridiculously strict, the people are rude, the cliques are worse then in teen novels, and the uniforms are ugly. So why do I stay? you might wonder. because I have to, I'm not going to get into a good college through ecot. The sad thing though is I don't know if this will even help because stupid teachers grade stupid, my french teacher made me take a test Friday over stuff I haven't learned, she promised me that I could leave blanks if I didn't know things and that she wouldn't penalize me for it, that it was just to see where I am. Yeah she graded it, like a nazi on top of that. I repeat Bitch. She also made me take a quiz the day, yes that's right, THE DAY I started. Oh and finally to top off this wonderful sundae of crap, is the rancid cherry on top, the fact that I haven't seen/talked to any of my Bradley friends in forever.

Me ^

Bleh, sorry needed to get that off my chest.

6- Word Memoirs.

So I guess, people were challenged to write their life stories in exactly 6 words. I decided to try it and found that, I can't decide!! so here are 23 of my 6-word memoirs :)
Spending my days learning to live.

Starting to wonder where he went.

Did you know I’m not happy?

I tell myself stories. Damn amused.

Why can’t we just be friends?

I’m just addicted to the past.

Me. You. Let’s do this thing.

Can you stop yelling? Thank you.

Loving him meant leaving me behind.

I didn’t say I love you.

Remember the Old You? I do.

I mostly wish, more than anything.

Lost: Faith. Please Return. Will Wait.

Never got back to that. Sorry.

Lonely Girl Seeks Love. Respond Soon.

I don’t know. Leave me alone.

I’m kinda glad you have him.

Unrequited Love: Story of my life.

Who needs homework? Oh, my GPA.

Girl without Rhythm joins Marching Band.

Good at Lying. Nobody really knows.

Stay out of my room, please.

I don’t like Me that much.

Dear August,

I don't like you very much, you aren't a very fun month. Actually you kind of suck. In August every who does something in highschool, sports, marching band, etc is busy with that something. School starts in August which usually means stressing and sleepless nights. Unfortunetly this year it means once again we're running out of time to get the school situation figured out. It also means that I'm missing out on everything that made up my old life. Summer is coming to the close so those of us whose summers didn't live up to there expectations get to reminice on that not going as planned. People just aren't in a good mood when it's August. Not to mention the lack of holidays in August, what are we supposed to celebrate? We're Americans we need an excuse to eat! People don't blog in August either apparently. So you can see why I don't like August.
Sorry if I hurt your feelings but somethings had to be said...

Hate,
Olivia

Scarecrow or Superman

Ok, so I was watching Batman Begins: epic movie if you can get over the fact that George Clooney isn't in it.
I had a mini-freak out when i saw Dr. Crane (A.K.A. the Scarecrow) because he looks ridiculously like Tom Welling who plays Smallville's Superman! I was like: That's great, he can be both a good guy and a bad guy effectively!! But as the credits rolled, i learned that it was NOT Tom Welling, it was Cillian Murphy who Abby supposedly likes, but I haven't heard a Cillian-Rant in FOREVER so maybe not so much anymore? Tell me that they don't look alike:

Love and Stuff,

Bzzzzz

This Poem Isn't About Much

Hey, so i think getting that last post off my chest is already helping it to be better :) yay for feeling better! i found this poem in an old diary and thought i should share it--esspecially since it's not in my usual ABCB pattern which gets repetitve. damn it. yes it is. never mind. okay, what ever... I think this is circa August 2010-ish. Probably about Chris... Possibly about people in general. I wish I remembered. Also, it's kinda dark and twisty, but i swear, i'm feeling much better, so it's just, there :)

A Call in the Dark

is anyone awake?
is anyone alive?

i've been living for yesterday.
what a silly little lie.

is anybody home?

is anybody there?

i don't know why,
but i used to think he cared.

can you tell me i'm not alone?

can you hear me cry these tears?

i used to be a person.
now i'm not even here.

The B-est Years?

i'm going through a huge crisis of faith and a huge crisis of self and i wonder why i was so happy back then. i wonder why i'm so unhappy now. i just wish that everything could be the way it was. parts of me wish that when i wake up tomorrow i'm 13 years old again and we're still at memorial. i guess i just like to live a little bit in the past. i'm told that i'm a victim of obsession...

that's from a phantom planet song. remember when they were just about all i listened to? remember when i dated christian deiderich? or when i wrote that sappy poem about Chris's "Ocean Blue Eyes"? how about when i thought i was going to quit band? do you remember the best lunch period i've ever had? the first day of freshman year when we established the sporknife and the sandwhich arsenal.

i remember all these things about i was and i maybe over dramatic here, but give me a break, 'cause the insomnia is rampant and i've gotten maybe 8 hours of sleep over the past 3 days.

i just have this fear that i've already been the best i'll be and life is kinda down hill from here... which is absolutely ridiculous because i'm 16 freakin' years old and probably have about 84% of my life left ahead... but it scares me. should i be scared of life?? geez!

how did i get like this?

all my love and more,
b

Summer!!!

Summmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!

I'm this excited :D

life sucks sometimes.

well it does, ok? the last thing i want to be is whiny, but i'm speakin' the truth here.

i'd like to say that i'm happy, but i don't think i am. and i'm not really sure that i can think of anyone right now who can honestly say they're full of happiness. ok, actually i'm sure there are people who can say that, but most of them are liars. i look around and i just see a whole bunch of sad people. my brothers aren't happy. allison is so full of hate, she's actually emitting hate energy. god knows my parents aren't happy. and don't even get me started on some of the people i see at school.

why do we all just walk around tired and sad and lonely? if there was a way to spontaneously be happy i'd like to get on board (no drug references, you morbid morbid walrus.) so, eventually, i'm going to start keeping track of stuff that makes me happy. right now, i'm too tired for this. its like 12:15 and i've barely even started my homework because i was busy mentally napping and eating more than i should.

oh, and they took my door. like i live in some really bad 90's movie. i change clothes in the bathroom. why? because i don't have a door on my bedroom. that's the new perk to being grounded: oh, and bonus! i still don't get a life. yay!
not so much...

love you and hope y'all are actually happy,
b (who would really like her life- and her door back.)

No Life....

I colored a tree a couple weeks ago... That's my crowning achievement of the month. I need to get out of the house...

Mid-life Crisis

This is my relatively small rant about all the stupidity I've faced in the past several months.

I think I'm going through my mid-life crisis at the age of 16. I feel ancient already and completely separate from teenage life.

I feel like my life could be a sick movie/play. It would be a timeless classic about the selfishness and insanity of mankind. My mother plays the role of the annoying 15 year old sister who believes the world revolves around her, my siblings are the innocent by-standers harmed by her psychotic paranoia, I play the 16 year old who starts of with self-centered business and reliance on others that is forced to learn several lessons in life as her 15 year old sister results in her life flipping upside down. Almost all of the 16 year old's friends are no where to be seen as she faces the harsh realities of life. People suck. It will start off with character building then go into the seniors she knew, mainly to tear at peoples' heart strings when one of the seniors can't keep the promise they made that she'd have a whole year left with all of them. Then it would progress to the point where she gets kicked out of school by the school board who is more concerned with money then students, and is forced to deal with her sister all day to the point where she can't stand to see her anymore. Her family's in pieces and her innocent siblings forced into something they should never have to deal with. As time goes by the girl gives up on the world only to learn lessons that add hope even though almost all of her friends have abandoned her. Her "best friend" never even bothering with a text. On top of that one of her other friends completely manipulates her. So as she's facing one of the hardest times in her life she feels more alone then ever. Ending to be determined.

Sorry I just needed to rant and since no one's awake the blog got stuck with it.

I'd like to be... Under the Sea!

actually, no i would not. that's our new french unit and after 3 days with out french, math, or band, i have found that they all have moved ahead at super sonic speeds.

i have NO idea what the sea animals are called in french. don't even bother asking me what the hell a sequence sum is and if you think i have a clue as to the concert order, you are sadly mistaken.

i wish i had just been sick for one more day so i could push all this crap into next week.

Oh! and my brain has officially stopped.

lkajshdgt oiw4iu sd (<----- fingers tap dancing on key board.)

b

"I'm Not Your Stepping Stone" and other lies from The Monkees

I'm Not Your Stepping Stone: Yes, unfortunately, I am. I am pretty much everybody's stepping stone... and it sucks.

Love is Just Around the Corner: Yeah, right. Ok, not to be a TOTAL pesimist, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that, no, love is not around the corner.

We were Made for Eachother: TOK likes Jessica. I'm kinda done with the drama. So, I guess we WEREN'T made for eachother (not that i actually really thought that to begin with but still...)

You Told Me: He never said there was a chance with the two of us. I made the whole thing up in my head, and now it's totally over and I'm over it. Moving on.

I Won't be the Same: Positivity, thy new name is Becca.

Love you and making changes for the better,

B :)

... I couldn't resist...

this took like and hour and a half to make. so gosh darn it, it's going up here. Staring: b2the3, happycload, and our friends nizam and elina:

Darth Maul?

So today I was just sitting around watching TV when a commercial for a movie called Insidious. It looked like a pretty good scary movie when this guy flashed on the screen.

At this point I'm doing a double take. "Wait did I just see... OMG that looked like Darth Maul!" So I googled it. Now compare that picture to this one.

Tell me they're not freakishly similar! So there you have it folks Darth Maul never died, he just got his ear pierced, grew hair, turned into a demon and started haunting comatose little boys. Creeeep. It actually sounds like a really good movie though. I might just have to watch it to see the return of Darth Maul.

Love,

Chaco <3