If I Can't Love Him

Beauty and the Beast: "If I Can't Love Her"
Hey, guys. It's B. Just as an FYI, this post is REALLY depressing. The words in purple are my reflections on the lyrics.
And in my twisted face
There's not the slightest trace
Of anything that even hints of kindness
I feel as though I've found a way to disappoint everyone. I have nothing to lose and everything to prove.
And from my tortured shape
No comfort, no escape
I see, but deep within is utter blindness
I have a talent for not seeing the most obvious things, mainly about myself. I can help others, but when it comes to what I want... I'm totally lost. I can't even tell what I want anymore.
Hopeless
As my dream dies
As the time flies
Love a lost illusion
If you had asked me this time last year, I'd have said "him": "All I want is Chris". But I don't that any more. I could have swore that was what I wanted, and maybe it still is, but not with him because I'm scared out of my mind that there's someone else that I'd be willing to give my whole heart to, if he knew I was alive.
Helpless
Unforgiven
Cold and driven
To this sad conclusion
I may be incable of love. I know it's the one thing I want most, but at the same time, I haven't let myself have it. The saddest part is that *I* am the only thing in the way of my happiness. Me and my fear is all I have left.
No beauty could move me
No goodness improve me
No power on earth, if I can't love her
This new guy in my life, he's nothing like I'd hoped he'd be and for once, I'm not making him into who I want him to be because he's already what I need. It's just that he's looking higher up the scale than me and I don't know why, but I'll only ever be a friend to him.
No passion could reach me
No lesson could teach me
How I could have love her and made her love me too
If I can't love her, then who?
I should have learned from last time that guys aren't worth it. That he can't love me because he already has her. Even if she doesn't like him, there will always be another "her" for him. And I can't ever be "her".
Long ago I should have seen
All the things I could have been
Careless and unthinking, I moved onward
Maybe I should have just gone out with Isaiah and been done with it. But I don't know what would have happened. I just don't like Isaiah. Not like I like him. I didn't want to be one of those girls who HAS to have a boyfriend. But what if I AM? He makes me want to scream. And then go weak at the knees.
No pain could be deeper
No life could be cheaper
No point anymore, if I can't love her
My heart is breaking. I am rushing to pick up the pieces, but they fall faster than I can pick them up. I may just let it stay broken for a while. It's kind of nice to know that I can feel something. This must how it feels to die.
No spirit could win me
No hope left within me
Hope I could have loved her and that she'd set me free
Do I really even like him? I haven't a clue as to why I do, just that he makes me smile. And he has the ability to kill me like this. I might just be experiencing boy withdraw, but I kind of hope it's more than that.
But it's not to be
If I can't love her
Let the world be done with me.
It doesn't even matter, because he will never love me. He has "her". And she will always have his heart, no matter how many times her name changes and she rejects him. I can't love him. Not knowing that it will always be unrequited. But I still do.

So..

• I still haven't been posting often.
• you all seem to enjoy posting in list format... so i'll follow suit, because it's easier.
• if any of you have heard anything in my direction i ask you don't show it publicly, but confront me in private, we can talk.
• i just found out there is a list function on here... :D
• how have you guys been?
• i may have missed the posts of this, but eh, what'd y'all get for christmas? :D
• i'm out of things to say, man my creativity has gone downhill... D: HELP.
• <- I love the sidebar.
• i miss you guys. D:
• Am i the only one who wants school to start again? i miss being busy. xD
  

I NEED OUT!

Summery of my evening yesterday:

~Called you guys.

~Called you guys again.

~Called you guys a third time.

~Chucked my phone somewhere.

~Tried to write.

~Gave up.

~Watched 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'

~Made Duct Tape ART that took like 4 hours.

~Cried a lot harder than you would expect from just watching a sad movie.

~It was really depressing.

~Throughout all that I didn't stop thinking.

~In fact I still haven't stoped thinking.

~I lost all sorts of sleep because I was THINKING.

~(which, I'll have you know violates one of my life rules regarding men)

~And I came to this conclusion:

~Not only am I in like, I'm also going through withdraw.

~Yeah, FML

~NEON DUCK

Tis the Night B-fore Christmas

Tis the night before Christmas
and all through the house,
Only one blogger is stirring,
Quiet as a mouse... Or trying anyway :)

So, this Christmas Eve is not the way I expected it, but it's kind of nice. We spent so much time at church (three services) we didn't make it up to Dublin for Christmas with NaNa, Tarzan got slammed and called us at home, we didn't get the tetrazini done in time so we ate Wendy's for dinner...

But just the same, the house is quiet (except for the NeverShoutNever CD Haybug gave me which I'm trying to keep down, I promise!). The hope of tomorrow hangs in the balance and my room smells like it always does when I know something good will happen tomorrow, like Christmas, Easter, the day before school starts back up, some Sundays or Fridays depending on how I feel :)

I wish you all the happiest of times with all the dysfunction that comes with the season and the joy that comes with the dysfunction (sometimes it does, anyway...)

Smiles And Love,
B^3

Bee drowning in honey. That's right, B fail.

When you're hanging out with Garebear, still rather flustered by the fact that Maddie thought I was DATING Tom when B decides to tell Garebear that Maddie thought I was going out with Tom.

I mean what was that supposed to tell him???? That I'm in high demand?!?! How is that going to "Let him down easy" B??? rEaLlY???

My word...that was terrible. How will that help the situation?

It's a good think I heart you, b.

NEON DUCK

Remember this???

So. bored. i'm in social studies, kind of disturbed. was just asked weather or not jesus was a pokemon. will get back when less shaken up. did reasearch project. had to start over. 2 times. going to log off. spotted! help!
Posted by b2the3 at 7:46 AM

22 comments:
IloveCh0c0lAtE said...
who asked u if jesus is a pokemon disturbing
Monday, December 15, 2008
Neon Duck said...
Hey, Ohlivia, I can come to your partay on friday. w00t. HAA I GOTMY BRACES OFFF!!!! w00000t!!!! w00t! w00t! Nothn' but TEETH, w00t.
Monday, December 15, 2008
pookieface=] said...
ugh, i get mine off in jan. BUT I DONT HAVE TO WEAR THOSE HORRID BANDS ANYMORE!!!! =]who thought jesus is a pokemon???whoeever it is, wow. go them. not.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Chaco said...
U know what would suck Duck? If a basketball hit ur face and screwed up ur teeth and u had 2 be rebraced!!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Happycload said...
Not if it knocked all her teeth out.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Neon Duck said...
Teeth glorious teeth! i'm so glad I found mine! HOw it would so suckkk if metal still covered them!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Happycload said...
Shut up duck face. :(
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Heat_Signature said...
Okay, now that happycload is genuinely pissed, I might as well tell you, cloud is spelled CLOUD not CLOAD ok, got it, if not why not?HAPPYCLOUD!!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Happycload said...
Lol. I'm not pissed, It's just cuz she got her braces off and I still have mine. I'm just jelous(sp?). And I KNOW that I'm spelling it as CLOAD, that's the point! So don't go spazzing out on me! It's not supposed to be CLOUD!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Neon Duck said...
num num. This is quite fun. DOn't tell her she's internally angry either, she'll go off and make you write a new list...sigh, it wasn't fun to write, just so you know HC.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
B2the3 said...
oh, she won't anything, shes a spring loaded dagger, like the kid you get on halloween. BTW, it was adam something or other.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Happycload said...
...
Thursday, December 18, 2008
pookieface=] said...
oh, and she'll give you "the look". trust me, its not fun.ha.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Happycload said...
...what is it with you people and this whole 'internaly angry', 'the look', 'spring loaded dagger' thing!? Ugh! Can we just...change the subject!?
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Neon Duck said...
Okay. Marshmellows are canables and needless to say they're absolutely evil and I'm terrified of them.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Happycload said...
...whaaa?
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Neon Duck said...
take a good long look at a marshmellow and tell me you don't get evil vibes from it.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Happycload said...
Umm...I don't know Neon, I don't spend to much time staring at marshmellows. In fact...I don't think we even have any in my house. I know! I KNOW! I'M DEPRIVED!...(sp?)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Neon Duck said...
No, your not, you should count yourself lucky, im MY house I'm always looking over my shoulder to see if a marshmellow army may come and eat me.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Happycload said...
.....*holds back laughter* ....*tries to hold back laughter* ...*fails at holding back laughter*
Friday, December 26, 2008
Neon Duck said...
Oh you may be smuthered in giggles but they are brutal lettle creatures.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Happycload said...
Yeah. Whatever you say Neon.


That was about a year ago... hahahaaaaaaa!!!!!! i liked it when everyone commented!
___pooks_____

There's a fine line between independent and lonely.

~Lord, I am rather confused.
~~"I want, I want everything I've ever seen in the movies!"
~~~Singing joy, enough to go round
~~~~I need to study for 2 tests...
~~~~~I love Irish Christmas Music
~~~~~~I wonder if I got in Willy Wonka.
~~~~~~~I thought I did well at auditions.
~~~~~~Looking back, I don't regret much
~~~~~I happen to be out of like...I should hope.
~~~~Though you never know with me
~~~I don't want to go through midterms
~~This post has no point...
~Neon Duck

RIP

Im supposed to be doing homework. Instead ive been reading about Art Lane. I saw a picture and almost started crying, I've seen him in the halls everyday, he was always smiling and surrounded by friends, but not in a stuck up way. Ive been reading so much stuff, and it makes me truely sad. There have been so many deaths in central ohio this week, and they, their family and friends are all in my prayers. Go Davidson, win States for Art.
----pooks----

What happened to this year?!? It's going SO fast! I miss you, Linz!
If anybody wants to pop over to the rec center by the west pool (wasn't it just last week we were lounging our summer away there?) on Sunday, we'll be having a puppet show there at 4.
I officially fell compentant. I totally got the Algerbra 2 test aced! SOOOOO HAPPY!! See what studing can do? I, like, UNDERSTAND it. And that's, like, WOAH.
I just realized I'm typing like I talk. I need to lay off the "like"s and the "I know right"s. I say them a little too often.
I wore make-up today. It was a 2-hour late start and then we spent the first hour of school out side for an emergency pepper spray evacuation. Apparently, the girl who set it off went to my elementary school, but she's a year older than me, so I don't know her.
I think that Jesse may just be the KING OF THE PERVES. Although, come to think of it, the DUKE (Wellman) runs a pretty close second. I usually walk out of lunch with them and you'd be surprised how many times they use the word "thrust" and how many times I have to use the word "CREEEEEPERS!". They must have their moments, other wise I wouldn't hang with them as much.
I'm slowly be corrupted.
WinterFest tomorrow. :)

LOTSA LOTSA LOVE:
B2the3

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

( I had a cool picture but it got messed up so i took it off :[ it went with the title. )



Im trying not to think about mid terms.....

All of us are stressed for the French one cause our teacher never teaches us whats on our tests.

I miss Blannin.

But anyway.... I really like honors bio :]

I think i might break up with Ed, but i cant decide.

Adam is pissing me off.
Just a little. (understatement)

I almost completely have my cartwheel on beam!!!!!!!!!!!

First meet is Dec 11.... then on the 12th i have Tèlèstai auditions (its also my cousins bday), and on the 13th i have my first choir concert. BUSY.

I miss you all!!!!!!!!

Love,

Pookie