Beauty and the Beast: "If I Can't Love Her"
Hey, guys. It's B. Just as an FYI, this post is REALLY depressing. The words in purple are my reflections on the lyrics.
And in my twisted face
There's not the slightest trace
Of anything that even hints of kindness
I feel as though I've found a way to disappoint everyone. I have nothing to lose and everything to prove.
And from my tortured shape
No comfort, no escape
I see, but deep within is utter blindness
I have a talent for not seeing the most obvious things, mainly about myself. I can help others, but when it comes to what I want... I'm totally lost. I can't even tell what I want anymore.
Hopeless
As my dream dies
As the time flies
Love a lost illusion
If you had asked me this time last year, I'd have said "him": "All I want is Chris". But I don't that any more. I could have swore that was what I wanted, and maybe it still is, but not with him because I'm scared out of my mind that there's someone else that I'd be willing to give my whole heart to, if he knew I was alive.
Helpless
Unforgiven
Cold and driven
To this sad conclusion
I may be incable of love. I know it's the one thing I want most, but at the same time, I haven't let myself have it. The saddest part is that *I* am the only thing in the way of my happiness. Me and my fear is all I have left.
No beauty could move me
No goodness improve me
No power on earth, if I can't love her
This new guy in my life, he's nothing like I'd hoped he'd be and for once, I'm not making him into who I want him to be because he's already what I need. It's just that he's looking higher up the scale than me and I don't know why, but I'll only ever be a friend to him.
No passion could reach me
No lesson could teach me
How I could have love her and made her love me too
If I can't love her, then who?
I should have learned from last time that guys aren't worth it. That he can't love me because he already has her. Even if she doesn't like him, there will always be another "her" for him. And I can't ever be "her".
Long ago I should have seen
All the things I could have been
Careless and unthinking, I moved onward
Maybe I should have just gone out with Isaiah and been done with it. But I don't know what would have happened. I just don't like Isaiah. Not like I like him. I didn't want to be one of those girls who HAS to have a boyfriend. But what if I AM? He makes me want to scream. And then go weak at the knees.
No pain could be deeper
No life could be cheaper
No point anymore, if I can't love her
My heart is breaking. I am rushing to pick up the pieces, but they fall faster than I can pick them up. I may just let it stay broken for a while. It's kind of nice to know that I can feel something. This must how it feels to die.
No spirit could win me
No hope left within me
Hope I could have loved her and that she'd set me free
Do I really even like him? I haven't a clue as to why I do, just that he makes me smile. And he has the ability to kill me like this. I might just be experiencing boy withdraw, but I kind of hope it's more than that.
But it's not to be
If I can't love her
Let the world be done with me.
It doesn't even matter, because he will never love me. He has "her". And she will always have his heart, no matter how many times her name changes and she rejects him. I can't love him. Not knowing that it will always be unrequited. But I still do.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
If I Can't Love Him
Posted by b2the3 at 1:53 PM
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9 comments:
Dear B:
Something is very wrong with this picture. You've been talking about joining coast gaurd, you've seemed pretty depressed lately. Yesterday it just seemed like a little crush, how is it now unrequited love just a day later? B, you made the right choice with Isaiah, he's a bit of a jerk anyway. And most of all: You are good enough. You always have been good enough, and you don't have anything to prove. You don't need a man to compleate you and you don't need any common boy to crush on. You are the queen on sheeba, so don't waste your time on someone who won't treat you as more than that. You're freaking me out, B.
Love,
Duck
Dear Duck,
Yesterday, i didn't want laura and liv to hear. and i'm in love with the concept, not the person, and if i hear ONE MORE WORD about the coast gaurd, i swear. And I know I'm good enough, it's just hard to think of yourself as the queen of sheeba when your talking about another girl with the guy you like. And that's the way the story goes. Did you notice that I used the term "he" instead of a name? Because always works out this way.
I'M A BIG GIRL, I TIE MY OWN SHOES AND EVERYTHING!!
Stop freaking out,
B
and p.s. the whole isaiah thing was for effect, as in "if i were dating, i wouldn't have this problem" but that sounds dumb now.
Dear B,
So your saying that whole thing was just you pretending to be sorry for yourself IF you actually liked him? WHHHHAT? I am so confused....if you love the idea of the situation why do you sound like your slitting your wrists while your talking about it?
The whole 'HE' thing points to the fact that you don't think your good enough because you're saying your say you will always suffer from unrequited love. Which isn't true and you know that.
B, you've always been a strong independent woman, why this suddenly an issue? Plus I will not stop freaking out, it's not just this situation either, it's the whole weird way you've been acting lately, as if you have a major inferiority problem or something.
To put it bluntly I can't help but think something is extrodinarily screwed up.
Love,
ND
Duck:
So, what? I'm not aloud to get a *little* depressed once every (what is it now?) close to three years? And no. It's not me pretending to be sorry for my self. These are my feelings. I can't help but feel like this and if you think I want to, you're crazy. I don't love the situation, that's not what I meant. I meant that in a perfect world, I'd be able to be happy about these feelings and to be honest it just feels like dieing. I'm not going to cut myself, I'm not feeling inscure, I don't need a man. It would just be nice to have someone supporting me. "The whole weird way" I've been acting lately is called DEPRESSION, and I'll get over it. I just needed to vent, but that was obviously a mistake, too.
Love,
B
Dear B,
That was not sensitive of me and I'm sorry. If I knew it was depression I would have backed off, I've been thinking about it and if you reaally want to join the coast gaurd you have my full support. Venting is never a mistake, it's just weird to see you being depressed over someone that doesn't deserve you. If you ever need to vent you always should.
Sorry,
NEON
Dear B,
B: Who is this guy that youre feeling so depressed over? The last i heard you were sort of, forgive me, obsessing over Cupcake Austin. (His name was Austin right? Im having a brain fart.) The Isaiah issue is definately not something to get worked up over, you said it yourself that you dont really like him and you ARE NOT the type of girl who always HAS to have a boyfriend, thats just ridiculous. Things will work out in time, i've learned that if anything happens it should happen naturally. Just go with the flow and listen to your heart when youre with someone. Trust yourself, B.
The whole coast gaurd thing... thats your choice, and im sorry that i havent really been supportive of it. Its your choice what you want to do after high school, and whatever you choose (okay, maybe not WHATEVER, cause if you chose to be a vicious serial killer i would NEVER EVER support it but i know you would never do that.) im with you 100000000%.
This depression will go away, trust me. I've been feelng a bit depressed this year too, and I know that you dont have like clinical depression, i dont either, but we all get down every once in a while. Im always here for you, so are all of your friends. If you want to get out of the dumps i've found that if you just focus on a project that YOU WANT to do, it seems to go away a little every day. And Neon is right, venting helps.
Love you forever,
Pooks
Pookie,
It's... Wellman. He's a total pervert who thinks i like jesse apparently. and he's into olivia a lot which is totally unfair cause she has enough gentleman callers. but whatever. it's just that i have NO IDEA why i even like him let alone why i'm getting depressed over him. cause it sucks.
Thanks for supporting me and i promise that if ever i'm a serial killer, it's totally cool for you too give up on me a little. :)
Love u 2,
B
Dear B,
I dont know wellman, but i do know that does NOT sound like your kind of guy. it totally sucks that i dont go to bradley or else i would definately be of better help to you in this, but my advice for now is to just push him, and all other boys, to the back of your brain for now, you have more important things to think about. ily :]
Love you 3,
Pooks
......
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